When we create magic

create magic, redefining sexy, sexual agency, sexuality

When we create magic

Books were my first introduction to magic as a young child. Alice, magical tumbling down a rabbit hole, the door in the wardrobe leading to a snowy world, or a secret garden.  Magic sustained me as a child. I still love the scene in Cinderella where the animals and fairy godmothers create her ball dress.

In most of those stories the female character experiences magic passively. They come upon something magical or something is done to them. But what if we understood that creating magic was an act we could create at will?

Could magic be as simple as giving voice to what we want? I think so. So I’ve chosen Magic as my word for the year.

Magic is a vital tool in a world that is often restrictive and harsh and a bit scary. Sometimes we are afraid to put our voice out there—to dare to say, “This is what I hope and dream for”. Because we are then faced with the reality of making it happen. We fall into an array of self-doubt and negating thoughts which bring us down a notch. They cause us to play small.

Am I good enough?

Do I deserve that?

What if I fail?

What if I achieve it and it’s not really what I want?

Magic is pretty powerful—not in the witch-y sense (though I love that aspect as well). But the idea that we can dare to create magic in our own lives.

What would that look like for you?


Aren’t you here (on this site) because you want to bring something magic into your body, your relationship, or your sex life?

The thing about magic is that it doesn’t just happen, we have to put our desire for ________ out there. And then we have to, we get to, think about how to bring it about. We become agents of our own lives rather than passive characters in a story.

Maybe when the witches of lore were casting spells what they were really doing was giving voice to their desires. Owning them. Summoning them.  The power of using our voices to say, “this is what I want…right now…for me….” and in that voice we come to understand our ability to bring about our deepest desires.

“Oh but that never happens. It’s a fairy tale.”



To dismiss the power of our voices, to reduce our desires to wishful thinking, is to say “this won’t happen to me because…”

And that “because” invokes all the negative stories we’ve made up about ourselves—a reverse fairy tale. The anti-magic.

When faced with those negative stories we can write a new beginning for ourselves. We can create a magical story—a more positive, uplifting and self-defined story. And then we work to bring that about—because without the dream of what we want we don’t really have a starting point.

I used this idea of magic in two talks I gave recently in Calgary, Canada. I wanted to illustrate the point that women who wanted a different sexual experience, or a different view of themselves had the ability and the magic to make those changes come about. Women aren’t told often enough that they have the right and the ability to chart their own course in life. To follow their own desires and to express, or not express,  those desires as they see fit.

Women often feel crippled by a lack of desire, a lack of sexual knowledge about their own bodies—and hemmed in by a society that would prefer we stayed in our defined little boxes.

Enough. I say we create our own magic. At age 12. At age 35. At age 65. And every stage in between. It starts with granting ourselves permission to voice our deepest desires.

I don’t have all the answers but I have ideas. Sparkly, super-charged, simple, and playful ideas to create magic in my life, my relationships, and my work—and maybe in yours too.

What about you?

Photo by chuttersnap on Unsplash

  • bethhavey
    Posted at 11:38h, 05 February Reply

    Beautifully said, Walker. And so encouraging. Your voice and ideas should help many.

    • Walker
      Posted at 17:00h, 05 February Reply

      Thanks Beth.

  • Rena Haskett McDaniel
    Posted at 13:32h, 05 February Reply

    Oh boy, I feel like my wand is broken these days. I desperately need to get my magic back.

    • Walker
      Posted at 17:00h, 05 February Reply

      Yeah, knowing that is the first step!

  • Estelle
    Posted at 06:28h, 06 February Reply

    It’s so important to believe in magic at any age. I’m trying to teach my daughter that. Thanks for this.

    • Walker
      Posted at 08:50h, 06 February Reply

      Thanks Estelle. I agree; teaching your daughter that she has the power and ability to shape her own life is important.

  • Haralee
    Posted at 17:31h, 06 February Reply

    I love the thought of adding magic to our lives. Some things are just magical. I don’t care if it is an illusion or temporary or a slight of hand, if it produces awe and delights, it’s magic to me!

    • Walker
      Posted at 11:36h, 07 February Reply

      I know, and the idea that we have the power to bring about and determine magic in our own lives is an awesome thought.

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