24 Sep Want Pleasure? Learn How to Become More Orgasmic
Many women have never experienced an orgasm. It’s true, though if you ask a group of women if they are orgasmic you may not get an honest response. We don’t talk about sex, not really. We see sex everywhere and people are ‘talking’ about sex, but they’re not having open, honest conversations about it.
People get uncomfortable if you try to have a direct conversation about sex, specifically the female orgasm. We have been conditioned to think it’s not acceptable to talk about our desires and as a result many women do not know how to discuss their needs with their partners.
Well, we’re talking about it today!
I wrote an article about a product to enhance a woman’s sexual experience. That led one woman to write and ask if the product could actually help her have her first orgasm. My answer was helpful, I hope, but somewhat vague. Could a product help a woman have an orgasm? Yes and no. The product, which I’m no longer promoting, was designed to provide tingling sensations. Such a product, and there are several out there can produce a warming or tingling sensation that leads to a delightful feeling of arousal for many women. Arousal is complex just as the physiology of a woman’s body is complicated. Achieving sexual pleasure is something you might have to work at, almost like a daily exercise. And, for some women it just comes naturally.
Deepening our experience as sexual beings starts with learning how to feel desire. It doesn’t just spontaneously happen unless we invite sexuality into our lives. And, that begins with getting to know our own bodies–to know what kind of touch we like and what parts of our body respond pleasurably. In the name of research, I’ve been scouring the internet for useful materials. You can find tasteful erotica, well-written materials, lovely photographs, and how-to guides. There’s some yummy stuff out there, mixed in with poorly written content–just as you’d expect.
Betty Dodson is a fabulous resource for women who experience difficulty with orgasms Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross is the best educational website I’ve found for instructing women on how to become orgasmic. It is female-focused, very explicit and handled in a professional, non-erotic manner. But do note that the images are realistic and may not be safe for work. Dodson has a PhD in clinical sexology and Ross is a lawyer, who has become a highly regarded sex expert. This post, First Time Orgasm provides step-by-step instructions on how to pleasure one’s self. This one is an excellent article about the variety of ways women orgasm. As a follow up you might want to read this and watch the accompanying video made in Denmark (and mainly in Danish). This website has useful information for all women–I find a fascinating article each time I visit their website.
The Orgasm– it’s become this mystical, almost taboo thing. Women in movies have them effortlessly. Many men will tell you that all their lovers had orgasms. Women fake it. And men don’t always know how to help a woman come to climax. Some men are clueless and some men could care less (this last type you don’t want to waste your time with).
Betty Dodson is very direct about this point-we should take control of our own orgasms. We know what pleases us and we should be in charge. I agree and yet I don’t agree. I have been in relationships with men who were eager to please and willing to learn if they didn’t already know what do to. And, over the years I’ve run into a few men who were Gods in the bedroom! In most of my relationships we’ve been able to talk about what turns me on and what doesn’t work. I have sex toys that bring me pleasure, some for solo play and a couple that are perfect for the two of us (more about sex toys in my next post) At 58 I am sexier than I was at age 25!
If you want to have orgasms, or have better orgasms, you need to figure out what turns you on and then learn how to communicate that to your partner.
There are many ways to enhance your sexual desire. As I stated in the beginning, you want to feel sexual desire, to feel sexy. It is not about looks, it is a state of mind. And, you can get there in a number of ways. Reading might be a fun way to get started–reading erotica, alone or with a partner, helps with arousal. How-to books can be helpful for you and for him. My book, Inviting Desire is a great guide for creating the mood. If you’re more visual then a tasteful erotic movie might be fun.
There are lots of ways to get into a sexual mood.