Want Pleasure? Learn How to Become More Orgasmic

orgasm, sexuality, sexual pleasure over 50, sexual desire, ageless

Want Pleasure? Learn How to Become More Orgasmic



Many women have never experienced an orgasm. It’s true, though if you ask a group of women if they are orgasmic you may not get an honest response. We don’t talk about sex, not really. We see sex everywhere and people are ‘talking’ about sex, but they’re not having open, honest conversations about it.

People get uncomfortable if you try to have a direct conversation about sex, specifically the female orgasm. We have been conditioned to think it’s not acceptable to talk about our desires and as a result many women do not know how to discuss their needs with their partners.

Well, we’re talking about it today!

I wrote an article about a product to enhance a woman’s sexual experience. That led one woman to write and ask if the product could actually help her have her first orgasm. My answer was helpful, I hope, but somewhat vague. Could a product help a woman have an orgasm?  Yes and no. The product, which I’m no longer promoting, was designed to provide tingling sensations. Such a product, and there are several out there can produce a warming or tingling sensation that leads to a delightful feeling of arousal for many women. Arousal is complex just as the physiology of a woman’s body is complicated. Achieving sexual pleasure is something you might have to work at, almost like a daily exercise. And, for some women it just comes naturally.

Deepening our experience as sexual beings starts with learning how to feel desire.  It doesn’t just spontaneously happen unless we invite sexuality into our lives. And, that begins with getting to know our own bodies–to know what kind of touch we like and what parts of our body respond pleasurably. In the name of research, I’ve been scouring the internet for useful materials. You can find tasteful erotica, well-written materials, lovely photographs, and how-to guides. There’s some yummy stuff out there, mixed in with poorly written content–just as you’d expect.

Betty Dodson is a fabulous resource for women who experience difficulty with orgasms  Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross is the best educational website I’ve found for instructing women on how to become orgasmic. It is female-focused, very explicit and handled in a professional, non-erotic manner. But do note that the images are realistic and may not be safe for work. Dodson has a PhD in clinical sexology and Ross is a lawyer, who has become a highly regarded sex expert. This post, First Time Orgasm provides step-by-step instructions on how to pleasure one’s self. This one is an excellent article about the variety of ways women orgasm. As a follow up you might want to read this and watch the accompanying video made in Denmark (and mainly in Danish). This website has useful information for all women–I find a fascinating article each time I visit their website.

The Orgasm– it’s become this mystical, almost taboo thing. Women in movies have them effortlessly. Many men will tell you that all their lovers had orgasms. Women fake it. And men don’t always know how to help a woman come to climax. Some men are clueless and some men could care less (this last type you don’t want to waste your time with).

Betty Dodson is very direct about this point-we should take control of our own orgasms. We know what pleases us and we should be in charge. I agree and yet I don’t agree. I have been in relationships with men who were eager to please and willing to learn if they didn’t already know what do to. And, over the years I’ve run into a few men who were Gods in the bedroom!  In most of my relationships we’ve been able to talk about what turns me on and what doesn’t work. I have sex toys that bring me pleasure, some for solo play and a couple that are perfect for the two of us (more about sex toys in my next post) At 58 I am sexier than I was at age 25!

If you want to have orgasms, or have better orgasms, you need to figure out what turns you on and then learn how to communicate that to your partner.

There are many ways to enhance your sexual desire. As I stated in the beginning, you want to feel sexual desire, to feel sexy. It is not about looks, it is a state of mind. And, you can get there in a number of ways. Reading might be a fun way to get started–reading erotica, alone or with a partner, helps with arousal. How-to books can be helpful for you and for him. My book, Inviting Desire is a great guide for creating the mood.  If you’re more visual then a tasteful erotic movie might be fun.

There are lots of ways to get into a sexual mood.

Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

  • Janie Emaus
    Posted at 10:27h, 24 September Reply

    Great article. Sex changes as we age, but it certainly doesn’t disappear.

  • Walker
    Posted at 10:32h, 24 September Reply

    Hi Janie,
    Thanks for coming by. I agree, it changes some….often for the better and occasionally with the downsides of menopause and other aging related issues. Let’s keep the conversation going!

  • Joan Price
    Posted at 11:29h, 24 September Reply

    Thank you so much for recommending my blog and my book as resources for information, news, views, and reviews related to older-age sexuality. It’s true that our sexuality may change as we age, but with information, creativity, and a sense of humor, we empower ourselves to experience lifelong sexual joy.

    • Walker
      Posted at 12:41h, 24 September Reply

      Empowering ourselves is the best way to experience all kinds of joy. Your work has so much value for those of us who want affirmation and for those who have concerns and questions. I am happy to share your work.

  • Lori Lavender Luz
    Posted at 12:29h, 24 September Reply

    Thanks for this list of resources, Walker. Off to browse…

    • Walker
      Posted at 12:42h, 24 September Reply

      Any time! I’ve got this great idea for October that will give us all plenty of food for thought…and play!

  • Still Blonde after all these YEARS
    Posted at 19:54h, 24 September Reply

    Hope women can get more info from this frank discussion. No woman should be without this element in her life at ANY age!

    • Walker
      Posted at 22:54h, 24 September Reply

      I totally agree! Thanks for popping in.

  • Chloe
    Posted at 23:21h, 24 September Reply

    I will certainly be back for October. I’m glad to see others talking about this. The time for sex is now, and we’ve no time to waste. The message that better sex is waiting for us as we get older is one that many people want to hear.

    I’m 50 and I feel sexier and I’m having better sex now than at any point in my life before. I’m with a man who is one of those Gods in bed, and I’m so thankful because I realize how lucky a thing that is (there are quite a few useless men in the world).

    • Walker
      Posted at 06:49h, 25 September Reply

      Hi Chloe,
      I talk about sex a lot… I think people are uncomfortable with the topic and often don’t know where to find quality information. Unfortunately much of what we see is geared towards a much younger crowd. There are lots of us 50+ women out there have fabulous sex and we’re going to have to lead the way!

  • Maria
    Posted at 21:56h, 25 September Reply

    Thanks for the article. It confirms what I already know and believe. I am in my 50s and are more sexy than I was when I was young and slim.

    • Walker
      Posted at 22:24h, 25 September Reply

      So nice to see you here. Glad to hear it! Isn’t it grand at this age….

  • Ellen Nicholas
    Posted at 19:22h, 05 October Reply

    Great to find this. I’m also a fan of Joan Price, who directed me here. I am 62 and have been having (by far) the best sex of my life for the past 6 years! So it began at age 54, and what a surprise that was. I also found one of those “Gods” who is 66 years old, has E.D. and helped to teach me the ways to pleasure in spite of it. Gives me something to look forward to, seeing him every few weeks.

    • Walker
      Posted at 07:15h, 06 October Reply

      Hi Ellen,
      Yeah for great sex! It is indeed a surprise to discover the real pleasures of sex isn’t it. Like yours, my guy struggled with mild E.D. and we discovered delightful and mutually satisfying ways to have sex. I hope you’ll continue to visit and share your experiences.

  • Chanel Babe
    Posted at 23:01h, 23 October Reply

    Thanks for your great posts on orgasms! I turned 50 in March and my sexual responses seem to change weekly! At first it was frustrating to admit that none of the old tricks work and I no longer had a clue how to orgasm. But over the last 4 months, my attitude has been “let’s see what new today!” My partner is very understanding and willing to see what’s on the daily “menu.”

    • Walker
      Posted at 06:57h, 24 October Reply

      The daily menu is a cute way of looking at things. Since I took Betty Dodson’s advice and starting exploring I found new ways of satisfying myself my orgasmic response has intensified. Menopause clearly creates havoc for some women –it’s nice that your partner is supportive!

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