Imagine It, Create It-Step Into Your Desire

Imagine It, Create It-Step Into Your Desire

 We have so many words, spoken and unspoken, that define our sexual desire. When the words are negative they get in the way. And when the words are positive and affirming we feel more alive. We feel excited and ready for what lies ahead.

What works for getting to the gym on a regular schedule will work for stoking our sexual desires. Attitude, determination, showing up.  The photo above is of my new mini-business cards. I had so much fun picking words to describe the kind of attitude we can embrace as midlife women, in touch with our sexuality.

There is power in words.  We use words to help us define what we want in every aspect of life. What’s wrong with saying ‘this is what I want’ and then going for it? Why not choose sexy and decide to have a little fun? Misbehaving is perfectly acceptable when it comes to consensual behavior between two adults. Or all alone. Desire brings our bodies alive-our blood rushes, our skin tingles, our hearts race.

I often hear women talk about a loss of desire. The statement is so simple yet it can mean many things. It can be about loneliness, a bad relationship, grief, being single, feeling the side effects of a medication, or a sudden dip in our emotions. What can you do? Read a sexy book, check in with your doctor, think about what needs adjusting in the relationship. Take a new approach—think positively. Or at the very least, allow yourself to move forward, hoping to step into your desire.

Step Into Your Desire

What do I mean by that? Have you ever been to an event because you had to? And once you got there it turned out to be more fun than you’d ever expected. Why not take that approach with sex and see what happens. I don’t want to trivialize a lack of desire or downplay those feelings. I remember being caught in a loop of negativity around sex. I dreaded it more than going to the dentist. And, that made it nearly impossible for me to step into my desire.  

I had to find the words. To imagine myself being turned on. I had to let go of old stuff in order to embrace the sexual me. The path for each woman is different. I was approaching divorce. If you’re in a functional marriage and need to reconnect, it will be different. If it’s been a year since you’ve had sex with your partner, that will require something else. In each case the common element is your willingness to step into your desire.

Say yes sometime when you’re not really sure you’re in the mood. See what happens as your mind engages and then your body. Let your partner know how you feel and indicate your willingness to explore.

Stop showing up in baggy sweats and a matching sweatshirt. Choose sexy. Put on something that makes you feel good. Change out the flannel nightie for something a little more daring. Step into a sexier attitude.

Each of us has experience with putting on the happy face, tackling a bad hair day, going out when we’d rather be in bed with a good book. We try even if feels overwhelming. Why wouldn’t you make the same effort for your sex life? It deserves the same willingness and attention. Research is finding evidence that sexually active adults are healthier and more content in life and their relationships. It is worth the effort. 

Pick a word from my juicy cards and give it a try today. See how it feels to step into your desire. And then check back in to let us know how that exercise worked for you.

  • Sharon Greenthal
    Posted at 09:44h, 12 March Reply

    It’s challenging to keep the fire going after 25 years of marriage. Thanks for the great tips – and your business cards are great!

    • Walker
      Posted at 10:41h, 12 March Reply

      Thanks Sharon. I agree, with that many years it slips into ‘comfortable’ but there is and can still be room for sexy. But, I suspect you already know that. And, maybe sexy for one person is very different from sexy to another. Sexy, sensuous, full of passion…all versions of the same that apply to our sex lives or our other passions.
      Thank you for coming over to visit!

  • Julie Phelps
    Posted at 10:17h, 12 March Reply

    YES! Stepping into an attitude of desire can work.

    Just allowing your body to respond to your partner will make your mind follow and participate.

    An historical romance novel by Bertrice Small brought that to light in a tale of an English noblewoman who was abducted into the harem of a sensual emperor. Despite her unwillingness to submit or enjoy his moves she was trapped into allowing him to seduce her. Her body began to eventually respond. Her reluctant mind soon followed. The hapless heroine enjoyed her newfound sexual pleasure even though she still wanted to escape captivity.

    Most of us are not entrapped as she was and do not have such extreme barriers to sexual enjoyment. Our reluctance can be set aside – overcome – just by donning a positive attitude. Say yes to desire and passion. Smile more.

    • Walker
      Posted at 10:42h, 12 March Reply

      Yes! Julie. It is an exercising of a mental and physical muscle for some. The story you share illustrates my point quite nicely! Thank you.

  • Haralee
    Posted at 11:52h, 12 March Reply

    I love these cards. I totally agree with you that words are power and just taking one or two of your words and work on it is a great idea!

    • Walker
      Posted at 16:10h, 12 March Reply

      Thanks Haralee, I think we can always use a little creative help!

  • Lynne
    Posted at 12:56h, 12 March Reply

    Love the new cards! Love the advice!

    • Walker
      Posted at 16:10h, 12 March Reply

      Thank you!I can’t wait to see the response as I hand them out.

  • Kathy @ SMART Living
    Posted at 13:17h, 12 March Reply

    Hi Walker! This such a good post and so true. I can’t speak for everyone, but as a woman who has been married over 35 years to man that I love and adore, it catches me by surprise that I constantly come up with excuses not to be intimate. I guess I live way too much time in my head that when it comes around I almost always have to go ahead and do what you say–step into it no matter what. And then I can say with 100% certainty that I am ALWAYS glad that I did 🙂 Maybe that’s why my husband and I make regular “dates.” I’m afraid if we didn’t we would both put it on the back burner and not get around to it. But by having a “date” we stick with the idea and like I said, it is ALWAYS a good thing! It just surprises me that I could forget the benefits and talk myself out of it so easily??? As you say, it’s very important to take the time and make it a priority. And yes, the benefits that you list are ALL TRUE! 🙂

    • Walker
      Posted at 16:12h, 12 March Reply

      There are times when I just don’t ‘feel it’ and I have to get in the mood…. I begin thinking about my date that morning and allow the anticipation to build with imagination, a few back and forth of sexy emails and other things I do to get the brain and then the body engaged. It’s a fun practice… and like you said (adamantly I see) good things do happen. Thank you for your honesty about this.

  • Jenn
    Posted at 16:33h, 12 March Reply

    Love the new cards – would love to hear what kind of response you get from people when you hand them out!
    I agree, sometimes you have to put yourself in the right mindset, particularly when you don’t want to be there. Sage advice.

    • Walker
      Posted at 19:19h, 12 March Reply

      I’m curious about responses too! Jenn, I will let you know. Thank you for your input.

  • Ann Hughes
    Posted at 16:47h, 12 March Reply

    I am 67 years old have been single for 32 years, but about 5 years ago a long standing friendship developed into something more. I am experiencing the most meaningful and joyous sex of my life. I love every second we are together. I feel more alive and sexy than I have ever felt in my life. Your words are so “right on.” I will keep them as my mantra when I wish I had even more.

    • Walker
      Posted at 19:20h, 12 March Reply

      Ann-Thrilled to hear this! Always nice to get that affirmation that sexiness has no age limit. Congratulations to you and the lucky person. I’m so glad my thoughts on sexiness resonate and jive with your experience.

  • Q&A-How to Rekindle Sexual Desire - Walker Thornton
    Posted at 08:32h, 11 April Reply

    […] Take a little time to think yourself into sexy. Or as I wrote in an earlier post, step into your sexual desire.  […]

  • Bring on the Sexy-Adult Sex Ed Month - Walker Thornton
    Posted at 11:42h, 08 June Reply

    […] version of adult sex education is about you stepping into your desire. I want you to have the basic facts, but beyond that, a sense of wonder at your own capacity for […]

  • Making Time for Yourself-Your Pleasure First - Walker Thornton
    Posted at 13:45h, 19 June Reply

    […] isn’t a feminist rant, though it might come close. This is more about you stepping into your desire. Taking ownership of your body, your orgasm, your capacity and desire to be an equal sexual […]

Post A Comment