12 Mar Imagine It, Create It-Step Into Your Desire
We have so many words, spoken and unspoken, that define our sexual desire. When the words are negative they get in the way. And when the words are positive and affirming we feel more alive. We feel excited and ready for what lies ahead.
What works for getting to the gym on a regular schedule will work for stoking our sexual desires. Attitude, determination, showing up. The photo above is of my new mini-business cards. I had so much fun picking words to describe the kind of attitude we can embrace as midlife women, in touch with our sexuality.
There is power in words. We use words to help us define what we want in every aspect of life. What’s wrong with saying ‘this is what I want’ and then going for it? Why not choose sexy and decide to have a little fun? Misbehaving is perfectly acceptable when it comes to consensual behavior between two adults. Or all alone. Desire brings our bodies alive-our blood rushes, our skin tingles, our hearts race.
I often hear women talk about a loss of desire. The statement is so simple yet it can mean many things. It can be about loneliness, a bad relationship, grief, being single, feeling the side effects of a medication, or a sudden dip in our emotions. What can you do? Read a sexy book, check in with your doctor, think about what needs adjusting in the relationship. Take a new approach—think positively. Or at the very least, allow yourself to move forward, hoping to step into your desire.
Step Into Your Desire
What do I mean by that? Have you ever been to an event because you had to? And once you got there it turned out to be more fun than you’d ever expected. Why not take that approach with sex and see what happens. I don’t want to trivialize a lack of desire or downplay those feelings. I remember being caught in a loop of negativity around sex. I dreaded it more than going to the dentist. And, that made it nearly impossible for me to step into my desire.
I had to find the words. To imagine myself being turned on. I had to let go of old stuff in order to embrace the sexual me. The path for each woman is different. I was approaching divorce. If you’re in a functional marriage and need to reconnect, it will be different. If it’s been a year since you’ve had sex with your partner, that will require something else. In each case the common element is your willingness to step into your desire.
Say yes sometime when you’re not really sure you’re in the mood. See what happens as your mind engages and then your body. Let your partner know how you feel and indicate your willingness to explore.
Stop showing up in baggy sweats and a matching sweatshirt. Choose sexy. Put on something that makes you feel good. Change out the flannel nightie for something a little more daring. Step into a sexier attitude.
Each of us has experience with putting on the happy face, tackling a bad hair day, going out when we’d rather be in bed with a good book. We try even if feels overwhelming. Why wouldn’t you make the same effort for your sex life? It deserves the same willingness and attention. Research is finding evidence that sexually active adults are healthier and more content in life and their relationships. It is worth the effort.
Pick a word from my juicy cards and give it a try today. See how it feels to step into your desire. And then check back in to let us know how that exercise worked for you.