Male Sexual Health and Masturbation

Male Sexual Health and Masturbation

masturbation, male sexuality Now that I’ve actually declared my intention to write about male sexuality I’m feeling a little daunted by the prospect. I’m not here to preach or give instructions. I think I offer a unique perspective, that of the personal and the educational. And, I know that as a woman, writing from a heteronormative perspective, my thoughts and offerings reveal an inherent bias.  So, forgive the occasional ‘womanly’ approach or the supposition that all of you are engaged in heterosexual sex. Much of what we talk about in the realm of sexuality applies to all of us, regardless of sexual orientation or gender expression.

“We” assume that men have few sexual issues, outside of concerns about performance and aging.  Women have more complicated bodies and our ability to reach a climax is never a given—it often takes more than intercourse to bring a woman to climax. And, in a climate where women have never been encouraged to enjoy sex, many of us don’t know enough about our bodies and can’t figure out how to have enjoyable sex. So it’s become very acceptable to teach women how to masturbate, to talk about sex toys and how to increase sexual desire.

Men already know how to masturbate. They are turned on all the time right? That’s the common belief.  But, the world isn’t quite ready to hear about male masturbation or about men tapping into their sexual desire. It doesn’t sound right. As my conversation with Dr. Stephen Snyder pointed out, and commenters seconded, many of you don’t feel comfortable expressing your sexuality.

Let me briefly introduce you to Paul Nelson, a clinical sexuality educator and clinical medical assistant at Mt. Sinai Hospital, and the creator of Frank Talk–an “online community of guys who are fighting ED.”  Paul wrote an article on masturbation that I want to share. Grow Up and Masturbate Right is featured in the blog on Private Gym (more to come on that in my next article). It’s a short article, a little ‘edgy’ in tone, the essence of which is that men should masturbate as a pleasurable exercise, not just to reach a climax. He suggests using lube and slowing down. He talks about the pleasures in exploring your whole body and finding erogenous zones. And he suggests men use sex toys. It’s an approach similar to what I often advocate for women. Masturbation is a great tool for expanding how you feel pleasure—to allow you to enjoy your body more fully. Masturbation is often viewed as a release. But what if you viewed it as an essential tool in developing sexual skill and desire?

Slowing down the pace and trying new strokes might reveal more about how your body likes to be stimulated and pleasured–a handy tip for sharing with your sex partner. If you know what really feels good then you’re in a good place to be able to share that–“I’ve found that stroking this way feels great” or “Grab here and use a firmer/lighter pressure”.  Women want to know how to please their guy and we don’t have as much experience with your equipment as you do…so tell us how you like it. If you’re single then a solo practice is essential–because contrary to the old wives’ tale, masturbating and achieving sexual pleasure is good for our bodies, male and female.

Interesting article: 7 Masturbation Techniques to Try

 

Image: Krosseel- Morguefile

15 Comments
  • Carol Cassara (@ccassara)
    Posted at 08:55h, 05 January Reply

    Great advice and what an interesting guy! I’m liking this kind of expansion of your mission.

    • Walker
      Posted at 09:00h, 05 January Reply

      Thanks Carol–hopefully it will resonates with my male readers! I will be talking about Paul and his work more in upcoming months.

  • Laura
    Posted at 09:53h, 05 January Reply

    I’m posting this is a couple of private groups I’m in. My sons are about to “divorce” me as it is because of the “old people having sex” articles on my facebook wall. Thanks for moving into these waters. I agree, outside of ED based performance issues most women think all men know exactly what they want and how to ask for it.

    • Walker
      Posted at 10:20h, 05 January Reply

      Ha ha… Neither of my sons are on FB, though my daughter-in-law is and I’m not sure she reads. Those who love us ought to understand the many benefits we receive, health and otherwise, from remaining sexually active!!
      I think we have much to explore in the male-female dynamic. I’m looking forward to what comes next, without knowing exactly what will transpire. Thank you for your support Laura

  • Darla
    Posted at 09:55h, 05 January Reply

    Thank you for tackling this subject. Staying tuned…

    • Walker
      Posted at 10:16h, 05 January Reply

      Thanks for reading Darla, and being part of the conversation.

  • Rena McDaniel-Alz Caregiver
    Posted at 11:07h, 05 January Reply

    Very needed post Walker and very interesting! Thanks and shared!

    • Walker
      Posted at 14:01h, 05 January Reply

      Thank you Rena…share away!

  • Editor (Retired)
    Posted at 20:23h, 05 January Reply

    “Heteronormative!” First time I’ve seen that word. I like it. Best of luck, Walker, in your new project. It’s about time someone tried to legalize and normalize sex talk in mixed company.

    • Walker
      Posted at 06:30h, 06 January Reply

      Thank you. I think it’s time too. I talk about sex in mixed company because invariably the conversation goes to “what do you do for a living?” and when I explain….and men seem a little surprised at how comfortable it is for me to have these discussions–I think it’s important to talk about sex without shame! So, we shall carry on and have fun with this.

  • Les Kertay
    Posted at 21:23h, 05 January Reply

    Looking forward to reading, Walker. I agree that the field is largely dominated by women writers, but then that has something to do with the fact that men are less willing to do the writing. Hoping to change some of that, but in the meantime I’m looking forward to how it looks from a woman’s perspective. THAT by itself will make this interesting.

    • Walker
      Posted at 06:31h, 06 January Reply

      Les, I am looking forward to your writing and new site as well…so glad we can have conversations about this. Maybe we’ll find some writers who have been afraid to go public? And maybe we’ll just instigate conversation-who knows. Thanks.

  • jaypatfan
    Posted at 18:17h, 05 May Reply

    Walker, this is not a one sided story for men (one handed maybe) and I’m sure you’ll find that lots of Baby Boomer guys are coming to grips (pun intended) with the intricacies and increasing complexities of their own sexuality just as women have been doing for years. Sorry for the gratuitous plug of my own blog but I thought you might find my article on this subject funny and uplifting (again with the puns) from a male perspective : http://survive55.com/1/post/2014/12/madonna-made-me-masturbate.html

    Thanks for the clever insights and have a great month !!

    • Walker
      Posted at 07:00h, 06 May Reply

      Thanks jaypatfan for your comment. I suspect that the quest to understand one’s sexuality happens to all of us, at various stages of life, with different discoveries and different challenges.

  • It's May, let's talk about masturbation - Walker Thornton
    Posted at 12:52h, 16 June Reply

    […] Male sexual health and masturbation is an article I wrote in my His Turn series. We tend to think that male masturbation is this quick and dirty practice just to relieve pressure. Why not explore the benefits of taking one’s time–the same principles that I talk about for women have value for men. […]

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