Looking for a Relationship When You’re Over 60

Looking for a Relationship When You’re Over 60

relationship questions, sex questions Today’s question is from Maggie- I am a 68 year old woman with the sexual desires of a 21 year old.  Where does a 68 y/o meet men?  I have been in small male/female scenarios and I actually can/do attract men much less my age.  I am taken for early 50’s.  Where does one go to meet gentlemen?  I can obviously ‘pick up’ men, even young men in sleazy bars for one-night stands, but I’m looking for a long-term relationship including sex. Marriage can be negotiable. Any great ideas?

Maggie,

Thanks for your question and your honesty about your situation. You indicate that you’re looking for two things here–sex and a long-term relationship.  It’s great to hear from older women with a healthy sex drive and a desire to have great sex! It can sometimes feel as if looking for younger men is the best way to get needs met. There’s nothing wrong with going out with younger men, though I do know men in their 60s who are sexually active and eager to have a relationship with a woman who wants an active sex life.  

Unfortunately I don’t have any great ideas for how to find a man. I wish I did, but there is no magic solution. Part of the process requires you getting out and making yourself visible and available. Have you let your friends know you’re looking for a relationship? We’re often reluctant to do that, but it’s no different from telling someone you’re looking for a job or a new house.  Let people know that you’d like to find someone and enlist their help. 

Church, wine tasting groups, book clubs, volunteering, outdoor fitness groups, going to the gym, signing up to help with political campaigns, going to the local senior center, or taking classes through an elder hostel are all places to find interesting men. I’ve talked to women who have met men in online groups on Facebook and other forums. And, while you mentioned sleazy bars (and I am right there with you) there are upscale bars where you might go have a drink occasionally and hope to meet a nice man. 

It’s not easy meeting someone today. There are dating sites like okCupid, Match, eHarmony, Our Time and others which are specific to interests, religion or age groups. And there are sites for people who mainly want sexual activity like AdultFriendfinders.com.  Putting yourself out there with a public profile may feel awkward but it does increase your exposure to men who are seeking a woman just like you. 

There will be people who will say to you, just be open to meeting the right man and it will just happen–like he’ll fall out of the skies! I’m not sure about that. You sound like you get out and have friendships but haven’t found that right person yet, so you may need to consciously put yourself out there. 

Here is a link to articles on online dating if you need some help getting started. 

Anyone else have some suggestions for Maggie? (not her real name)

22 Comments
  • Ralph
    Posted at 10:57h, 17 February Reply

    When you’re over 60, “long term” could mean a year.
    Let’s be clear. What we want are connections with like minded people, limerence and orgasms without appearing to be slutty. It isn’t easy and it takes time.
    My relationships began with an Internet connection, email, a phone call then a meeting. I wish there was a faster method but I have not found one.
    I flit with ladies who return my eye contact.

    • Maggie
      Posted at 09:39h, 18 February Reply

      From “Maggie”! Foremost, I want to praise and thank Walker for ‘all you do’! Best, sound advice that’s out there. I am sooo happy that I found this site.
      When the number ’68’ precedes your photo within online meeting sites….it sure is a mean deterrent, and self-esteem blaster. Even 70 year olds pass by those numbers and search out the youthful 40-60 and younger. Unfortunately for me, I am a very impatient, spoiled, 60’s kind of girl who wants things now! It was time for me to push-the-envelope, and that is exactly what I did. I picked up the phone and reached out to an old acquaintance who had once called me for a date. At that time I had to decline. One thing led to another and today we are making plans for a second date. I am elated and 16 again. I will try and keep everyone posted. Though I am keeping optimistic, I will also tread cautiously without great expectations. Maggie

      • Walker
        Posted at 10:40h, 20 February Reply

        Maggie,
        Thanks for letting me share your story. I do want to hear how that second date goes!

        • Maggie
          Posted at 01:43h, 21 February Reply

          Oh, oh my. You are all going to be sooo disappointed, as I was. Apparently I jumped the gun and had riveted myself on the ceiling of ‘all time highs’…..I am NOT now! Somehow, a complete sentence was totally misconstrued by my self, and by the time I realized my mistake I wasn’t even able to blast this guy with a comeback. In my anxiety I was left feeling confused. I will not phone him. Without going into details, let’s just say that it is still possible that this ‘Prince’ may phone, but I’m not taking bets. The guy whom I adored, and thought I knew, turns out to be a mere ‘player’…unless he proves me wrong. I do intend to keep everyone posted, whether he ever phones again or someone else does. Smile.

          • Walker
            Posted at 07:00h, 22 February

            Oh Maggie. The Player! A definite type and one that many of us single women have encountered. If he doesn’t call, just view it as a wonderful lesson and move on, with a greater sense of confidence, to the next adventure.

  • Kathy Radigan
    Posted at 12:31h, 17 February Reply

    As a 48 year old happily married woman it’s great to know that my sex life does not have to end once I’m in my sixties, even if I should find myself without a partner (though I don’t like to think about that!). Thanks for you honesty and for tackling a subject that is not spoken about enough!

    • Walker
      Posted at 14:10h, 17 February Reply

      Kathy,
      I think both Maggie and I can agree about the ongoing interest in sex! And, thank you-this is a topic we need to discuss at all ages!

  • Julie Phelps
    Posted at 13:37h, 17 February Reply

    I certainly understand the difficulty of finding a suitable match. After investing significant time in online dating sites, narrowing it down to just Match dot come after a few months, I worked the numbers. I reached out to many, heard back from a few, and then WHAM! I found Mr. Right. It took many emails of substance before we met face to face. By then, we both recognized what we’d found. That was in late October of 2013 and we are still going strong now, in February 2014. More than just strong, we plan to make this our last relationship.
    I will tell you that all that effort online can be more than just satisfying. It can be the best way to find love if you are not finding it any other way.
    I am 67, and feel like a teen in love.
    Good luck.

    • Walker
      Posted at 14:11h, 17 February Reply

      Julie, your good news is something that Maggie and other women can gain hope through!

  • Ninah
    Posted at 14:27h, 17 February Reply

    Though I haven’t found my guy yet, I have met some nice men online. Unfortunately the one who could keep up with me sexually was a man with a high testosterone level and narcissistic tendencies. However, I haven’t given up.
    Last summer I was dating (not sleeping with) 4 guys. It was great ! Several of my friends found their great loves at “Meet-Up Groups”, dance groups and walking their dog. The points I found are to be open, but not flaunt, happy and secure, not desperate. Know what your want or are looking for, so you are discerning. That shows your value. Good luck!

    • Walker
      Posted at 18:45h, 17 February Reply

      Ninah, your advice is great.. I think Maggie will appreciate that!

  • Jennifer Steck
    Posted at 18:38h, 17 February Reply

    Many of my family members met their future spouses online, including my sister when she was in her mid 40’s. They are out there if you keep looking. Congrats on finding a good one, Julie.

    • Walker
      Posted at 18:46h, 17 February Reply

      Jennifer–very encouraging. It does just take a lot of patience doesn’t it!

  • Kim Jorgensen Gane
    Posted at 21:56h, 17 February Reply

    My mother expressed to me that she wasn’t ready for that part of her life to end. She’s 66 and a (relative) newlywed to her third husband. Not that I’m in favor of marrying thoughtlessly, or necessarily feel that everyone should be looking for marriage, but if that’s something you desire in your life, I say go for it. Reach out, it seems to me, is the best advice, whether it’s female friendships, business (talking to myself here), or romantic/intimate relationships. Nothing happens if we’re sitting at home waiting for it to fall from the sky at any age. Best of luck to Maggie, and great post, Walker.

    • Walker
      Posted at 06:18h, 18 February Reply

      Thanks Kim.

    • Maggie
      Posted at 09:43h, 18 February Reply

      Excellent comments Kim. You just mirrored my sentiments to a ‘T’.

  • KymberlyFunFit
    Posted at 22:22h, 17 February Reply

    Sooo glad I am happily married and don’t have to worry about dating at 55 (or older). My suggestion – tell all your friends who/ what you are looking for. Friends want friends to be happy and matched up.

    • Walker
      Posted at 06:18h, 18 February Reply

      Kymberly, I think ‘advertising’ to friends is a good idea too! Thanks.

  • Bohemian Babushka
    Posted at 22:44h, 17 February Reply

    I’m a 51 year old newlywed to a 53 year old confirmed bachelor- so hope springs eternal! We met online first then had long walks in the neighborhood park. They’re out there, but as in any age, it’s part prowl, part pow!

    • Walker
      Posted at 06:19h, 18 February Reply

      Welcome! And, thanks for sharing that nice story. Love your last sentence–part prowl, part pow!

  • Sharon Greenthal
    Posted at 23:12h, 17 February Reply

    My mother met the love of her life at 70 on eharmony, and they’ve been happily married for 2 years. You just never know!

    • Walker
      Posted at 06:20h, 18 February Reply

      Nice to hear of someone having success with eHarmony–or any dating site, really. Thank you for sharing this hopeful story.

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