10 Mar Are You Attracting the Wrong Guys on Dating Sites?- A Reader’s Question
This is a question I got from a long time reader of my blogs. She has a solid job in a field that is traditionally male. She’s secure in her job and independent but she feels like she’s attracting the wrong guys.
“I recently gave up my online dating. I tried to be honest and made it clear that I was looking for a relationship, but I kept getting men that were only interested in hooking up and not actually creating a relationship. I had only been online for a year, but I started losing interest because guys started getting creepy and I just didn’t want to deal with the bull. Also some of the guys I actually chatted with online were deterred too when I said straight out I didn’t like to be called baby or silly nicknames like that when we didn’t even know each other. They all right out stopped chatting online with me so I was like whatever. You obviously weren’t interested. I somehow don’t know how to find a guy that can accept me for who I am and the type of job I have.”
You aren’t interested in guys who just want a quick hookup or who treat you in a way that feels demeaning so it’s helpful to learn that information as soon as possible. These guys are doing you a service by being so forward in their first contacts—as frustrating as that may seem. Unfortunately that frustration is part of the online dating process. We all get contacted by people who don’t feel like a good ‘fit’. Yes, there are people who find the right one pretty quickly but that’s rare. You just have to keep looking and chatting and looking some more.
Have you considered making your profile more direct? Saying some of those things you want in a guy? I’m not a big fan of the profile that lists all the things a person doesn’t want. But there are ways to reflect your independence, seriousness, and professional life that might help to weed out the ‘hookup’ guys.
I applaud this woman for being clear on what feels wrong for her. She is able to state that she doesn’t want to be called “baby” by a complete stranger. And, she understands the value of a man who respects her career and her interests. Those are important in knowing oneself and in making good choices. She’s not willing to tolerate behavior that doesn’t work for her.
So what do I advise my friend to do? Take a breather, get out with friends, do something new and different, and then reconsider getting back online. Look at rewriting or tweaking her profile to emphasize her serious work and nature. And, just be patient. Advice I give myself right now, having just gotten back into the dating game myself.
What would you suggest?