If your profile is on an online dating site there will be times when you get winks or emails from people who don’t seem the least compatible. Why did they choose you and where did they come from? Haven’t you wondered why the guy in Portland, Oregon thinks he could successfully date a woman in Florida?
In my last post I talked about online dating photos and how to use them to your best advantage. Today I want to talk about responding to guys who wink or send emails.
I recently got some winks from a bevy of men all at the same time. Odd, very odd, and less than 24 hours later three of them have pulled their profiles. I think I’m being pranked. But how would I know?
- If you’ve been winked at, which even nonpaying members can often do, has this person looked at your profile? If the answer is no, you might stop to think about the fact that his interest is driven by the first few visible lines and/or your picture. That could mean he’s rushing in without much thought. Or that you’ve done a great job with your opening lines and photo!
- Does he live nearby or have a distance range that includes your location? If the profile states an interest in women within 20 miles and you live 200 miles away then he’s probably just bored and winking at everyone.
- What can you tell about him from the profile? Does he seem like a good fit? Are his interests in line with what you’re looking for?
Most of the time women are eager to respond to men who wink at them. It is an indication of some level of interest and you will want to consider it. So what do you do?
It is good manners to respond in some fashion. Match.com lets you send an automatic ‘no thanks’ reply. You can always write a no thank you letter yourself with a little more detail if so inclined. Either way, the intent is the same. If you’re interested in him you can wink back. You’ve upped the ante and it’s his move. If you’re really interested you should write an email and tell him. This guy might have winked at several women so you should move quickly if you want to play. It’s a competitive market.
However you decide to respond, take the time to check out all the details of his profile first. Don’t send an encouraging letter if he’s a smoker or has dogs and you hate both. He’s not going to change habits and you’re not going to be able to ignore those things. It’s tempting to engage, after all, that’s what online dating is all about. But, you have to be realistic.
Suppose he’s a motorcycle rider (and for some odd reason many middle-aged men have bikes and show them on their profiles) and you aren’t, but you like his looks. Send an email telling him you’re interested, that he find him attractive and you’d like to get to know him. And, somewhere in there, tell him you’ll never get on his bike but if he still wants to correspond you’d like that. Tell the truth.
You should already know what your ‘deal breakers’ are and stick to them. Ultraconservative is one of mine. And, no matter how cute, how appealing his book list or interests, I know we won’t be a match. So, I let him know that. And, I move on to a more realistic match.
It’s easy to get caught up in the game, like being in an ice cream shop and wanting to sample every flavor. There will be times when you’re not getting much activity and any wink or email is exciting. The key is to be objective about the guy before diving in. How you decide to respond will depend on your ultimate goal. If he’s really not your type don’t waste your time. Send him off nicely and keep looking.
Next time let’s talk about how to carry on a conversation with two or more men at the same time.