Why, oh why, do so many men think women want to see their dick pics?
I’ve been thinking about penetration and penises all morning…hazy memories of those ‘just right’ moments when two people come together, barely awake, and join bodies.
And dick pictures.
And pondering the idea of penetration as most men’s preferred method of sexual satisfaction. I’ve met a couple of men recently who seem to only want penetrative sex. And that’s not what many women want. Ask us if you want, but know that we’re not always truthful because we don’t want to hurt your feelings. So we pretend. We lie. We even fake orgasms because we were raised to believe that satisfying our man was more important than our own satisfaction. Sigh!
“There is an art to taking one (dick pic), if you want it to work you have to take a picture of you holding your dick and it has to look too heavy for your hand to hold it.” Male, 27 (Source)
I read an article (and can’t remember where) about college girls and hookups. Most of them admitted that the sex was rarely orgasmic for them—and seemed to indicate that sex was mainly about pleasing the guy. How sad is it that today we’re still seeing girls who don’t understand their own right to sexual pleasure? And guys who don’t feel it’s important to take a partner’s sexual satisfaction into consideration.
Or do most men just assume that all we really need is their hard dick? (Sorry, I’m using the word “dick” more in this one article than I use it in a week)
Do men know that not all of us are turned on by dick pictures? Or that we don’t all crave it? Several weeks ago I was engaged in conversation with a man, supposedly in an open relationship. Expressing my reservations upfront, I did have several email exchanges before having a sudden change of heart. Here’s what did it for me:
“I don’t have many pics, except for some naughty ones, which I only send if I’m asked to. Most guys do not understand that cock pics are not the best way to impress a woman (or at least most women) So, I’ve attached a pic I took at my desk of my new sweat pants. It just happened to be as I was thinking about something arousing :)”
And there was the picture—some headless guy sitting around in his office in grey sweats taking pictures of himself with a hard-on. In the email he talked about how many repressed women he met online who were eager to have sex—and what fun he was having. That was the deal-breaker for me…. this cocky (ha ha) assumption that I would be eager, having seen the size of his tool, while forgetting that erection in sweatpants pictures are first cousin to dick pics.
Here’s the thing. We’re just not as into your dick as much as you are, or as much as you think we ought to be. Most men have this love affair with their penis and bestow it with magical powers—to reject the dick picture is to reject everything he stands for. (And yes, I’m speculating…sorta)
Sure, heterosexual women enjoy penises. But many of us find greater satisfaction in other aspects of sex. Remember, most women don’t orgasm through intercourse alone, so you’ve gotta have more tricks up your sleeve.
When you send a dick picture to a woman, the message she gets is that you think a lot of your penis. And that you think she’ll be wowed by it, and assume that if it’s large, erect, whatever….that you’re a good lover.
Couldn’t be farther from the truth.
I believe the man who is totally focused on his penis, is less likely to be focused on a woman’s needs. And yes I know that’s not always the case. It is possible to be both at the same time—all about the penis and still interested in pleasing a woman, but leading with the dick isn’t the best practice for enticing a woman into a sexual relationship. And, it’s not the best way to start a conversation in online dating.
Least you think that the dick pic is the realm of the young and foolish—oh no. I’m referring to men in their 50’s and 60’s. I’m not trying to be critical, really. Nor do I consider myself anti-male—but there comes a point when the arrival of one too many dicks pictures sends you over the edge and you have to make a statement.
Let me end with my thoughts on good sex. Good sex involves the whole body, attention to erotic zones, communication about likes and wants, and much more. Good sex requires you to shift the focus and priorities to your partner’s desires because you care as much about them as you do about your own satisfaction. It means that you understand women typically take longer to become aroused and longer to climax and you want to make sure their needs are met.
Conclusion: save the dick pics for later; maybe we’ll ask for them.
OK, let me have it. Your thoughts…no pictures please!
Also published on Medium.