Pleasure in the palm of your hand-the Revel Body SOL Sonic Vibrator

Revel Body SOLI get lots of offers to review products, videos, books—most of which I decline. I’m not in the business of doing reviews, but every now and then something catches my eye that I think will appeal to you. This is one of those products. I met Robin Elenga at Catalyst Con earlier this year and took a look at his Revel Body SOL Sonic Vibrator. I was rushing around, getting ready for my presentation and didn’t really pay much attention. Robin contacted me in November to offer me one of the vibrators–hoping I might write about it. I promised to take a look, no commitments.

I received the Revel Body SOL and all the accessories as a gift; I was not paid to do the review—just so you know! I’ve given it a few solo test drives and feel comfortable recommending to you. I think it’s a great vibrator for women and men of any age, and I think it’s particularly well suited for older adults. The vibrator is about the size of a tennis ball and is ergonomically designed. When held in the palm of your hand (my hand in the above photo) the vibrator is easy to hold, no grasping or straining. You won’t find your hand or arm muscles cramping.

The Revel vibrator has 6 different vibration levels and 5 tips so you can find the speed and sensation that works for you. I found the 2nd level to be strong enough for my general use…you can play around to see what suits your preferences. There is a simple on button and on either side a – button and a + button. Not so easy to see but easy to feel with fingers, the minus button is concave, the plus is convex.

This is one of those toys that doesn’t require pressure—the pulsating motor actually works better when you use a very light touch, so you won’t have to push hard to get the sensation you need. But feel free to try all the options. I found that at lower speeds the pulsating, or pounding, action was more pronounced and quite nice. We each have preferences so you’ll have to figure it out for yourself.  The video explains in great detail how it works, how to use the various tips and take care of your Revel Body SOL.


Revel Body – Meet Revel Body SOL

senior sex toys, sexuality, vibratorsThe standard package comes with the vibrator, the 3 tips you see here and the charger. I also got the carrying case and the additional two tips designed to be used in water. My tub isn’t working right now so I can’t report on the water play (which I hear is pretty fabulous…got to call the plumber!) but I did use one of those tips without water and enjoyed the sensation. The three basic tips, as you see in the photo allow you to change sensations and find the one that works for you. I like them all, though the Fawn, with its many little ‘fingers’, was my least favorite. It does work nicely on nipples!

One criteria for me in considering sex toys is how well they are suited for couples play. Using a vibrator during sex provides for clitoral stimulation that is missing during intercourse. As you know, most women need clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm. The size and shape of this toy makes it easy on the hands but won’t fit comfortably between the two of you in the missionary position. It could easily be used in other positions–on your knees with him coming in from behind or lying side by side in a spooning position. And of course as part of your overall sexual play before penetrative sex. The Revel Body SOL produces a variety of sensations and intensity levels–as the video notes, it works on nipples, inner thigh…any place where you want to give or receive pleasurable sensation. With 5 attachments you are able to do much more with the Revel Body SOL than the traditional vibrator.

This is a fairly expensive toy, selling at $139 on the maker’s website. I am a big fan of high-quality toys–they last longer, are made of safe materials, and make me feel good. The Revel Body comes with a 2-year warranty which is pretty rare in the toy industry. I can’t/won’t recommend cheap plastic products–if you’re going to indulge in your own sexual health don’t you deserve quality?

If you want additional information, you can check out the FAQ page and the main page for the Revel Body SOL. As a gift to you Robin has given me a discount code for you to use if you buy the toy through Amazon- The Revel Body SOL Sonic Vibrator with Travel Bag  (this is an affiliate link).  At checkout enter the promo code: X2H7FFDG, to get 30% off! 

Let me know what you think. I think this would be the perfect sex toy for solo play and for couples. And, just as we have more than one pair of shoes,  we need more than one sex toy. Every older woman should have a vibrator that is insertable, for vaginal health, as well as something that allows you to focus on your clitoris and overall body pleasure (and this does a nice job on tight neck muscles too). If you have a specific question that you’d like to ask privately, contact me at


*an affiliate link means that Amazon gives me a very small % of the sales.



Stepping into red, one day at a time


Stepping into Red


I have decided to celebrate my 60th birthday (August 12, 2014) and my evolving sense of self by taking on 60 new or different things in the year of 60 (though technically I’m now in my 61st year).

I’m compiling my to-do list and have started playing with new opportunities, big and small. Some are sensuous indulgences.

I didn’t have a good pair of high heeled shoes, rationalizing that since I don’t often dress up they weren’t necessary. Why think about ‘necessary’ and practicalities. Isn’t this about me opening up to new things? What happens when I have the urge to put on heels? Why not be proactive? These thoughts were on my mind as I wandered into a shoe store in D.C. last week and found a charming salesman and some delightful shoes.

Check out my new sexy black heels, Italian made, from a company called pas de rouge—stepping into red. They were expensive, but you know what? I’m worth it.

Stepping into red may become the theme for my year.


pas de rouge

Here are some of the other treats I want to experience in this year of my 60th birthday. An asterisk means I’ve crossed that one off the list.

  1. Buy black high heels *
  2. Take a long trip alone-Santa Fe *
  3. Four hands massage *
  4. A full day at a spa- Ten Thousand Waves, Santa Fe *
  5. Say No to something I know isn’t right for me—because I need to do what suits my life  *
  6. Get new purple glasses (coming this week) *
  7. Wear lipstick more often *
  8. Take a drawing class
  9. Get in the car one weekend and just go someplace
  10. Learn to play bridge, again
  11. Go to a concert alone
  12. Publish a book
  13. Write the book!
  14. Spiritual retreat
  15. Take up yoga
  16. Take the train to NYC for a long weekend
  17. Attend a needlepoint retreat
  18. See a Broadway play
  19. Audit a Russian literature class at The University of Virginia
  20. Take a wine tasting class
  21. Submit an essay to the New York Times
  22. Have sex with a woman
  23. Have sex with a much younger man
  24. Develop my webinar
  25. Book a beach house for late spring
  26. Explore a new cuisine
  27. Plan a trip to Greece
  28. Professional photo shoot
  29. Read 3 classics in this year
  30. Form a book group
  31. Attend an exercise group at the gym
  32. Maybe I’ll start wearing eye liner?


As you can see I have a ways to go and whether I find and check off 60 things really isn’t relevant. It’s about the journey. It is about being open to the possibility of change. It is about opening up.

Books to Excite, Amuse, and Enhance Your Sex Life

 I write a monthly column on sexual health for Midlife Boulevard, my most recent article is shared here. Reading Your Way to Better Sexual Health offers you a few suggestions on books about sexuality, plus a little erotica sampling.

Reading Your Way to Sexual Health

 The holidays are all about gifting—the pleasure of giving and receiving. And, really that’s what good sex is all about too—giving and receiving. No matter how fabulous your sex life or how much you enjoy sex, you can always learn more.

I want to suggest that you consider treating yourself to something different this year. Why not make an investment in your sexual life and your sexual health? This isn’t (necessarily) just so you’ll have more sex. Sexual health is more than good sex, it is vital to keeping your body functioning smoothly. There are a variety of delightful ways to enhance your sexual health, and good old-fashioned reading is definitely on the list. For me reading about sex is two-fold—educational and arousing.

Reading Your Way to Sexual Health: books dealing with sex

In no particular order here are some books I can recommend, most are in my library.

  • Partners in Passion, A Guide to Great Sex, Emotional Intimacy and Long-term Love by Mark Michaels & Patricia Johnson. “Happily married partners in passion themselves, award-winning authors Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson provide readers with a fun, step-by-step manual to creating a lasting, loving and erotic relationship. Partners in Passion proposes alternative models of long-term connection, founded on mutuality, a collaborative mindset, empathy and transparency. It features interviews with long-term couples and includes an extensive resource guide that covers everything from health to erotica, with excellent advice from many of today’s leading sexuality and relationship educators.”
  • A Passionate Marriage, Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch, a marital and sex therapist..  I read this book years ago and am reading it again. “Chapters—covering everything from understanding love relationships to helpful “tools for connections” to keeping the sparks alive years down the road—provide the scaffolding for overcoming sexual and emotional problems. This inspirational book is sure to help couples invigorate their relationships and reach the fullest potential in their love lives.”
  • Bedded Bliss: A Couple’s Guide to Lust Ever After , by Kristina Wright “…takes a peek behind the closed doors of married and committed couples to find out what makes long-term lust last. Award-winning author and editor Kristina Wright curates a collection of sexy and powerful erotic fiction and memoir from some of the top authors in the genre, all of whom are in committed relationships ranging from five to over thirty years.” I have this book–it’s pretty exciting even for single women!
  • The Secret Pleasures of Menopause, by Christiane Northrup, M.D. This is one of the few books I’ve read that is full of positive aspects about menopause. Dr. Northrup is considered one of the experts on menopause. In this book she talks about this next phase of life as full of possibility.

A couple of contemporary memoirs I’ve enjoyed:

  • A Round Heeled Woman by Jane Juska. Living vicariously as Ms. Juska’s attempts to find sex through the personals is in part funny and sad. Her story is almost brutally honest about the ups and downs of dating and discovering sex at an ‘older age’.
  • Free Fall: A Late-in-Life Love Affair by Rae Padilla Francoeur. “In her memoir, Free Fall, Francoeur discloses her discovery of a new love after nearly two decades in a relationship that won’t end, despite her need and desire to move on. Francoeur succumbs entirely to the intensely physical and stimulating relationship she finds with this new man—allowing her body and mind to truly embrace pleasure and sexual desire—and shares intimate details of a love affair that changes everything, leading her to celebrate her sexuality and rediscover herself.”  Powerful read–I loved it.

And for some light sexy reading, you might try the early books in the Outlander series by Diane Gabaldon, Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D. H. Lawrence, or Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies. And, of course let’s not forget Anais Nin’s writing—any or all of them.

There are so many books dealing with sex — for fun, educational, medical — all have a purpose depending on what you’re looking for. Many women find erotic literature helpful in increasing  arousal. I believe that every woman should have a ‘toolbox’ of what I like to call sexy essentials– books provide a nice complement to sex toys, self-care products and lingerie.

It’s the season to indulge-you’re worth it.

Enjoy the process, don’t rush it

After all my uncertainty about revealing such personal information in my last article I have been overwhelmed by the responses I’ve received here and on my personal Facebook page. Thank you. I knew deep down that sharing my fears and vulnerabilities would serve me personally and would be helpful to others. But, nevertheless I was a little afraid to go there. In retrospect, it was the right thing as it helped me gain some clarity and it resonated with so many people.

First Rothko glaze

I’ve been thinking about one of the comments, from a midlife woman, who related to my reference to being Stuck. Her fear of moving backwards instead of forward popped up this morning as I sat down to journal. Over the last week or so I have a swirl of ideas and impulses kicking around in my head. Yesterday I woke up at 5am thinking about coloring. I imagined a Rothko-like drawing with all my new colors (and yes, that’s Rothko above, not me). Why? I have no idea, but I decided to honor the feeling and, while the coffee brewed, I got out my colored pencils and doodled in my daily work/life journal.

I was honoring my intuition.

The problem I’m having is trying to impose some sort of order on this process. I keep wanting to see a visible sign of progress…and as I told my reader;

“For me, the challenge has come when I tried to measure progress–how do I do that? In small increments, or over the course of a year? It’s kinda like the ‘are we there yet’ thing. What’s moving forward and what’s stasis?”

What about writing down about the moving forward–what would be a tell-tale sign? What do you want it to look like when you’re moving forward? Is there a goal, a desired state, something concrete that would help you see the forward motion? Create the reality you want to experience.”

I have goals; I check off the list and note accomplishments. I just don’t know of a check list for “getting my shit together”…again.

I think what’s often needed in the ‘falling apart and putting it back together’ phase is to be present to the process. To rush in and fix things isn’t productive. I don’t want to squelch what ever might be bubbling in there. I have to work hard right now to stay on track and do the required work while letting the creative side of me play with crayons and work on a 1500 piece jigsaw puzzle. That’s my ‘off the clock’ time.

I view the process as similar to that of bread-making—-you mix the yeast, warm water and a sprinkling of sugar and let it sit in a warm space. The mixture bubbles and transform from a murky liquid to a thick living slurry. It needs nurturing–the right temperature and a good environment in which to do its thing. It will happen. It can’t be rushed. And, the resulting mixture gives form and shape to the final product.

We have to differentiate between being stuck and in a formative place. To distinguish slow progress from sliding backwards. It may not look like you’re “doing” anything but that is for you to decide, not an outside observer.  This creative muddle is a place to be honored and nurtured.

What’s the hurry? I figure I’ve got another 25-30 years to go–I can afford to spend the morning coloring. What about you? What do you do to honor your creative needs? How do you sit with transformation and allow the process to unfold in its own time?